March Madness
It’s tournament time again and March Madness is upon us. If you have had an appointment at our office this winter, you have seen our Kentucky Wildcats flag and our UK wreath hanging prominently by our front door. Kurt and I are proudly a part of the BBN (Big Blue Nation). It is its own kind of madness for sure. And although our season was cut short our loyalty remains firmly intact. Just don’t get me started on Duke.
Let’s talk about a different kind of madness. The emotion of anger. The feeling of being mad. Anger gets a bad rap, doesn’t it? That is true. However, it is not the emotion or the feeling that is responsible for anger’s bad reputation. It is the behavior or behaviors that accompany the anger that are to blame. Remember feelings aren’t right or wrong, feelings just are. It is possible to feel angry and not react in angry ways. The first step is recognizing that emotion and behaviors are separate. Learning to recognize the emotion of anger as an emotion and take responsibility for the behaviors that are associated with the emotion is key. Behaviors in this context is refers to anything you do with your body and anything that comes out of your mouth.
Anger is a strong emotion. For some of us that feels good, like power. For others it feels awful, like being out of control. For still others of us it can leave us feeling guilty or resentful because anger is an emotion that we “shouldn’t” feel. But really anger is just anger. Nothing more. And the best way to release anger is to feel it. When we validate our anger, we open something of a release valve. Anger then, begins to recede. This is not instantaneous. It may require that we validate the anger and then sit with the discomfort.
Validating any feeling is just that, giving that feeling validity. I can say to myself, “self it makes sense you feel this way and you have every right to feel what you feel.” I like to say, “you are allowed to be angry you just can’t slash their tires.”. After validating that we have the right to feel what we feel then we can learn to sit with the discomfort and undoneness of the feeling. Learning to tolerate the discomfort that can accompany anger takes practice. It requires conditioning, kind of like in basketball or any sport.
Thinking of conditioning reminds me of my high school days. When coaches from their prospective sports would gather up their new recruits and seasoned veterans and lead them though a grueling 2-week stint of socially acceptable torture. Through this exhausting process muscles were built. Muscles that would help throughout the season. Building your tolerance for the discomfort of being angry is akin to muscle building. It takes time and intentional effort. It is hard, but I encourage you to not give up. The rewards of validating your own emotions, taking responsibility for your reactions (behaviors) will serve you well in your life.
Here's to a great season!