From Winter Blues to Spring Sadness
Winter is beginning to fade away, although it seems to want to hang on this year, and the additional sunshine may be helping to alleviate your winter blues. Some of you may still be feeling out of sorts or even depressed. Spring brings with it another kind of depression. Some have even suggested that there is more depression in the spring than any other time of year. One reason for this spring depression could be that with the greening of the grass, the hopeful new buds in the trees, and the warming of the air we feel like we should feel happy. And this expectation can bring guilt and shame when we are still feeling sad and depressed. In a very real sense, we start adding to the depression by now feeling bad about feeling bad.
Also, with summer comes a shedding of the extra clothing we have used to hide our winter weight gain. I like to say that the totes I use to store my summer clothes are responsible for shrinking them over the winter months. Of course, this just makes me feel better, the clothing hasn’t changed, I have.
When diaries of young women from the 1890’s were examined, they noticed that these women were focused on becoming kinder, more caring, and generally working harder at being a good person. While diaries from young women from the 1990’s were more concerned about bettering their appearance and their bodies. In a mere 100 years the shift went from who you are as a person (inward character) to what you look like (outward appearance).
The evidence of this shift is everywhere. Comparing ourselves with others is easier than ever. It is literally only a swipe or click away. Kristin Neff the author of Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, discusses the link between comparing and self-esteem. She says that self-esteem is tied to comparison. When we compare ourselves with someone who we deem as better (smarter, thinner, cooler) we feel bad and when we compare ourselves with someone who is worse (less smart, awkward, heavier) we feel good about ourselves. So how we feel about ourselves, our self-esteem is then tied to others. Making our self-esteem likely a roller coaster ride. Neff says then that self-compassion comes from within, and it can be a steady anchor in a turbulent world.
“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.”
Dr. Kristin Neff
If you would like to find out more about Kristin Neff and the work, she is doing you can visit her website at: https://self-compassion.org/
This spring instead of the usual harsh tone at which you talk to yourself, try some kindness. Speak to yourself in the way you would speak to a friend. I call this the Best Friend Rule. If you wouldn’t say to a friend don’t say it to yourself. You don’t have to love your body, but you can appreciate it for what it does for you and learn to treat it well.
If you are struggling with a negative body image you don’t have to suffer alone. Give us a call and set up an appointment today.
If you are tired of dieting, tired of the up and down rollercoaster of your own body weight. Tired of not loving yourself just as you are. Join me this fall for a 6-week course called “Why you should never diet again.” If you are interested in joining this class, send me an email and be on the lookout for more information this summer.